All posts for the month August, 2012

Welcome to the Pity Party

Published August 30, 2012 by Jasmine

All are invited, but few should attend! I need to vent, mostly about running, and thought this would be the best place. This way no one has to listen to my complaining unless they choose to! I’m not looking for sympathy, or encouragement. I just need to get these thoughts out.

This is how I feel right about now:

Running has felt so incredibly difficult lately. I felt like I was on track, feeling good, and doing really well at the beginning of July. However, I have really been struggling this month.  I can’t pinpoint when things changed, but something just doesn’t feel right. I feel like in July I took two steps forward, and August it was ten steps back. I have been struggling with breathing (hoping it is nothing more than the weather), the tendinitis in my ankle has been acting up, and my right knee has been agitated.

I went out for a walk today, and ended up doing six miles. I threw in a few one and two minute running intervals. I don’t think I ran anymore than a mile total. I teared up a couple times when I was out there. It was just so frustrating that running felt so difficult. I felt like it was the first time I ever tried running. (I really wish I could remember the first time I ran.) I’m under no illusion that running will ever be easy for me, but I sure feel like it should be easier than it was when I first started. Even though I have continued to be active, I feel like I have lost a lot of cardiovascular fitness. I just can’t find my groove with running.

While I was out there today, I decided I need to take a break from running. Physically, I need to give my ankle and knee a break from the pounding. I am going to go back to the things I did before running…biking, stair climber, and walking. As crazy as this sounds I also need to mentally take a step back from running. I tend to be a perfectionist, and I am very competitive, even if only with myself. I need to take time to reflect on where I was when I started, in order to see how far I have come, and to make a plan for where I want to go.

Just because things aren’t happening for me right now, doesn’t mean they never will. I need to remember that things aren’t going to happen in my time. They will happen when they are supposed to happen. So I have decided that I am going to take a break from running the entire month of September. I have been training for the Monster Dash half-marathon, but haven’t signed up yet. I am going to continue the training, but will be walking my miles during September. During my pity party I decided I wasn’t doing any race this year. So I will just see how I am feeling in October, and if there is still space I will sign up; if not, it wasn’t meant to be this year.

September is going to be a month of reflection, change of attitude, and gratitude. As slow as I am, and as painful as running is sometimes, I need to be grateful that I have two fully functioning legs that if all else fails can get me from point A to B. It is really that simple, and something that can be lost in a matter of a second or two. I need to quit complaining that it hurts, or that it is hard. It’s going to be hard, it’s going to hurt, but that is what makes me strong. I would venture to guess that most of us don’t know what “hard” is.  We have no idea what it is like to be confined to a bed, a wheel chair, crutches, a walker, or to be completely dependent on someone else to see to our day to day needs. That my friends is HARD. I need to be grateful that I am able to motivate myself to get off my butt and get healthy. I am lazy, and most days would like nothing more than to just be lazy. But…lazy doesn’t get results.

My attitude has to change as well. I am going to take the mindset of an athlete. Instead of asking WWJD, the question is WWAD…what would an athlete do? Would they eat that, would they skip a workout, would they stop when things got too hard? HELL NO! It’s time to get in the game!!