It’s Been Awhile

Published March 4, 2012 by Jasmine

It’s been awhile since I last posted anything. Since my last post something has happened. I’m not sure what. I’m not sure when. I just know that I haven’t been myself. I feel as though I have checked out, and I have lost my passion and drive for just about everything. It’s a scary feeling. In the last month or so…

In less than a month I will be 33. Not one part of my life is where I imagined it would be at the age of 33. I already declared that 2012 is going to be the year of JASMINE! So I guess it is time to change things up because what I have been doing the last 32 years hasn’t been working.

I have no idea what kind of life God has planned for me, all I can do is trust that He knows what He is doing.  I am so ready to have the man of my dreams, the job of my dreams, the life of my dreams. I have the unlimited, God-given potential to be, do, or have anything I want in life. The problem is…I don’t know what any of those things are. I feel like my life is in constant chaos, and what I need to do is just stop and take time to reflect on what it really is that I want. Over the last month I have even been questioning whether I want to be an attorney. I feel lost. On the flip side I think I would feel like a failure if I took a job where I wasn’t practicing law…I mean that is what I went to school for right? What I incurred all my debt for! I just need to…

I know that I love…learning, public speaking, motivating, inspiring, and educating others. Whether this is in an attorney capacity or not I feel as though this is what I am meant to do. Due to experiences in my own personal life (not necessarily my experiences), I feel drawn to the addiction, mental health, and physical health areas. I want to motivate, inspire, and educate people struggling in these areas. I want them to know that all is not lost, and there is always hope. As I stated before I wish I had a crystal ball to show me exactly what I am supposed to be doing with my life. If anyone reading this has ideas, suggestions, or know of any careers in these areas please let me know. If you don’t know of any, please repost this so that maybe someone out there can guide me in the right direction. I feel like I am settling with my life right now, and maybe that is why I have lost my passion.

I have always felt that I am destined to do BIG things with my life. I just wish that I knew what! I do know that opportunities do not knock, they stand by silently waiting for us to recognize them. Maybe I need a clearer vision.  Maybe my opportunities have been right in front of me, and I am not recognizing them for what they are.

The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers. ~ M. Scott Peck

People often think blessings come in the form of nicely wrapped perfect square boxes, but often they come disguised as wrecking balls meant to crumble the world you know so you can rebuild your life with a new foundation of faith and trust. Sometimes we have to be knocked down so we can grow to greater heights. ~ Jon Gordon

Maybe this last month has been my wrecking ball, which is forcing me to search for answers. What I do know is that I don’t want to be at this same place a year from now. So I sure hope that…

My saving grace through this last month is that I was finally able to start running again. There is something very comforting, cathartic, and healing about running. It’s always just you and your thoughts; a great way to clear your head. Running seems to have a way to make me forget about everything else, even if it is only for 30 minutes. In life and in running, the journey is as important as the destination. The only thing that is ultimately real about the journey is the step I am taking right now. That’s all there ever is.

Thanks for reading, and being part of my crazy journey called LIFE!



2 comments on “It’s Been Awhile

  • Good luck on your journey. If it is any consolation, I often feel the same as you. Wondering what I am doing….is this all there is meant to be? I will keep my fingers crossed that you find sme clarity in your search.

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